I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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