I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize