I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
