Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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