Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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