Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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