Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
