yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
