Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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