Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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