I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
