Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
