Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
