My first STD was from a foam party
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
