youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
