shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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