I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize