You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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