i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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