Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
