i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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