i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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