Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize