bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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