At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
