Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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