i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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