I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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