It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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