you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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