Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
