apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
