i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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