sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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