So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
