There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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