i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm always down for nudity.
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