Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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