i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
