Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
