I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
