Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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