For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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