i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
