true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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