Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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