I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
