omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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