How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
