maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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