Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
