All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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