Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
