I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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