I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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