Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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