you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
