I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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