Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Even my vagina gasped.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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