I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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