Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
