Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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