I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
