this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
