My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize