I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
