Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
