is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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