I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? šš
Iām gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a ābrilliantā idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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