I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
