can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
