I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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