there's paper in my vomit.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
