i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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