who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We need a shit load of segways right now
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize