i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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